In the Beginning

There was nothing but RIdiculous, the invisible aluminum squirrel. Being a squirrel, Ridiculous had a disproportionately large nutsack, and Ridiculous desired a mate.

But since there was nothing, Ridiculous imagined an enormous acorn because food is usually the first thing a guy thinks about when there's no one around to have sex with. Well food and porn. But Ridiculous had not yet invented porn, so food was the priority.

And lo, the acorn appeared.

And Ridiculous ate it.

And he was fed.

-Book of Squirrel

Upgraded Ridicule

If I get enough followers for my new church, I will upgrade my pet invisible aluminum squirrel to platinum.

P.S.
I taught Stephen Colbert everything he knows about Ridiculous.

P.P.S.
I've never met Stephen Colbert.

P.P.P.S.
If I ever met Stephen Colbert, he would immediately bow down and worship my squirrel. Unlike that liberal pansy-snatch, Jon Stuart.

My invisible aluminum pet squirrel named Ridiculous

Yes. I have a pet squirrel that also happens to be invisible and made of aluminum and named Ridiculous.

You should be concerned about this only because he (the squirrel) is the supreme ruler of the universe. He's like God but different. He really only cares about acorns. I'm in the process of writing his teaching down in the Book of Squirrel. Will post as revelations progress.

In the mean time, enjoy my attempts at crafting the most random thought that's ever existed anywhere ever. If I actually think I accomplish this, I will never publish it here because it will then be connected to me and this blog and therefore not be truly random.