Sunday, June 21, 2009

Is Steve Jobs a dickhead?

He had a liver transplant and failed to tell the world about it. It this a cover-up? Is Apple trying to hide the facts from shareholders?

No. Steve Jobs is not a dickhead. And Apple is not irresponsible.

Steve Jobs just sucks at blogging. As far as I know the guy doesn't even have a blog. Maybe he does. But if he does, he sucks at marketing it. Every once in a while he responds to an outraged switcher with a curt email that basically says, "Calm the fuck down, bitch."

If he wants to be successful in life, he's got to learn how to market himself. Maybe he should've stayed in school. Then he would be cool. But look at him now. He dropped out of college and what's happened to him? He got a freakish protein imbalance and had to have a liver transplant.

But no. He had to go off and do things his own way. My invisible aluminum squirrel told me that the reason he was fired from Apple to begin with is because he didn't finish school. How can you have great ideas if you can't finish what you start?

Oh, also, there's this: shareholders don't have any right to personal medical information. Period. End of story. I'll even argue this: releasing personal information about the state of Jobs' health would be detrimental to the interests of both the company and the shareholders. It would cause the market to speculate about the future of the company while stock sharks and day-traders played hell with the company's stock price.

Whereas, if everyone keeps quiet about Mr. Jobs health, he either recovers (which is what we all hope), or he dies (which no one hopes for, unless you are a complete dickhead). In which case, the stock price falls for a day or two and then people realize that Apple will still be around for a long time.

The real reason for this discussion is that critics of Apple are convinced that the only reason anyone would ever buy a mac is because that person is completely and totally in a bromance with the RDF (reality distortion field for you n00bs out there).

I wish Mr. Jobs the best. Any major organ transplant is a huge ordeal to go through. I don't say this as a fan of Apple or Jobs or anything else but a fan of human beings overcoming difficult medical problems.

Good luck, Mr. Jobs.

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